I haven't been in a psychiatric ward in years, but I once wrote this in a journal and everytime I go back to read it, it makes me laugh. I hope that it finds you the same way.

Rule #1- Sign yourself in. If the man in the white coat threatens a court case you have 3/100 chance of winning. In these, even your own defender takes the other side. Unless of course you're sane. But that's nobody...

Rule # 2- Know about psychiatric illnesses- One minute you and your friend are doing crosswords together, talking about how great it would be to piss without permission and the next she starts talking in a satanic voice and inscribing her skin with a staple from the couch. Don't be alarmed, retrieve staff. DO NOT TOUCH OR TALK TO ANYONE WITH A SHARP OR LARGE BLUNT OBJECT NEAR THEM. Even if you "know them".

Rule # 3- Don't be scared. Seriously, don't show fear, they're like a swarm of bees. kidding. The likelihood of the above person hurting you, is slim to none. The likelihood of getting hurt by another patient at all is slim to none. Most dangerous or violent psychiatric patients are housed in state psych wards, on special units. You are more likely to be harmed by staff. Which goes to rule # 4.

Rule #4- Avoid getting restrained- Pick a hospital who doesn't participate in 4 point restraints. (or 5 or 6 point), the practice of using restraints has dwindled a lot. The likelihood that this would happen is small. However along with physical damage (broken bones, etc) It can also cause psychological trauma. The medications they administer are known to cause permanent damage in some people.

Rule # 5- It may taste decent, but that's not chicken. - Don't assume because they're a hospital they'll give you healthy food. Psychiatric facilities, especially could care less. Despite evidence that a healthy, balanced diets helps improve mood. You could insist on a healthy diet, ask your family to bring you in meals in advance or pick and choose out of what's there.

Rule # 6- Watch yo' back- Be smart, if your roommate starts talking to herself, saying things like "NO I won't kill my roommate, she's nice to me, go away!" You might not want to take a sleeping pill that knocks you out. You should probably inform staff. This is not tattling. She is suffering from effects of a mental illness and they may not even be aware of the risk she may be to others.

Rule #7- Look for support- While you're in there why not grab a few people and make supports out of them? In or out of the hospital? I've met some of the most well meaning, supportive friends in a hospital. Even if we don't talk everyday, I know that they are there.

Rule # 8- You're not leaving in three days- Upon admission you may be told you will be going in for a "a few days". Only to find out you are freed 2 weeks later, pasty and atrophied. "We'll see about Monday" will turn into Wednesday and Friday and next Monday. When you stop asking, they'll tell you. They all sit around a table and discuss things like "Surely when a patient wants to get out this bad, it means they're still ill. It's absolutely amazing in here and these raccoon nuggets are the best". If you push enough, asking him in the hallway, through the nurses station door and while he's eating lunch, causing a psychiatrist to pull out his own hair, you may win. Or you may have to result to rule # 1.

Rule # 9- Don't get too up close and personal with the furniture- I have seen too many people leak their bladders on them. And by leak I mean water fall. So don't fall asleep there and let your tongue fall out of your mouth.

Rule # 10- Groups repeat. Despite Rule #8, they think it's funny or amusing to repeat groups every 3 days to make you suffer. In cause of this, do crafts. Even the worst psych wards have craft supplies. Even if it's just non toxic glue and butchered magazines. Be creative! ( no there's no scissors. Ripping paper is a unique skill I have in light of this).

Rule # 11- Don't Run away- Having a bright yellow tag on your wrist marking you an "elopement risk" makes everyone cautious of you, everywhere. Don't be surprised if while taking a poo a staff member of the opposite gender comes to swing open the door to make sure you haven't burrowed down the drain in your shower.

Rule # 12- Don't look your psychiatrists resident in the eye- He's insecure and you could challenge him, but he has control of your every function right now. From what medications you take, to whether you get to eat with a fork at dinner. Act like he's the boss and if you think he screwed up, tell the actual boss.

Rule # 13- Stand up for your rights- If a woman with thick eyeliner and furrowed brows tells you to she's going to call the doctor at midnight to have you committed, because you're asking for some tissues and waking everyone up. Tell her nicely and pleasantly you happen to be an educated human being, that knows no doctor in his right mind would commit someone for that and she should stop trying to manipulate you.

Rule # 14- Fight = Flight. If you live in a city and are entering an inner city psych ward, you're bound to come across at least 15 fights in your "3 day stay". Otherwise it's not likely. There's higher crimes in inner cities, so there will be higher prevalence of fights, people trying to pass you meth, and the occasional man running naked down the hallway covered in Vaseline, so he slips out of the guards grip. Don't break up a fight in a psych ward even in they're women who weigh 100 lbs and are 4 foot 8. They're eating raccoon, they haven't had cigarettes, and the meth is fake.

Rule # 15- What to bring- Nothing you thought you could. No strings, jewelery, conditioner, perfume, make up, sharp objects, ipods, razors, stuffed animals, your own pillows, your new xacto knife kit, any mirrors, cell phones, credit cards, iguanas, (keeps listing things for 6 hours) Some psychiatric wards only allow you to wear scrubs. Wait no. "Scrubs". Paper blue things that make every other part of you "breezy". "Here's some paper clothes, you're things are in a locked safe, now lets find out why you want to kill yourself." Some places let you have everything, even cell phones. And then one day some one eats deodorant, trying to get drunk and it's all over... back to paper scrubs... some people try to sneak stuff in. DON'T DO THIS. When you get caught, you ruin it for every goodly, honest person out there!

Rule # 16- Don't pet the geese- Although this may not apply to most of you, especially those of you stuck in the city, but don't pet the geese. I have been too many places that had geese and many patients who find it necessary to try and pet the geese. Geese who live and breed on psychiatric ward territory know this. And they have special powers that allow them to beat the crap out of any ill prepared person that nears them. I think it goes with people being manic. It's how I know someone is manic. They think they can pet geese. Even when they hiss at them. Even when someone says "Joe I wouldn't do that". But no Joe has a bit of irrational thinking, related to grandiose. But I am here to tell you if you are Manic, that goose does NOT want you to pet it. Goose Floggings 101 is a course in psychiatric nursing. I tell the truth.

Does anyone have any to add?