i understand the need to deal with it the way you are and if it works for you do it. But i did that when i was assualted and became pregnant (i miscarried) at 17 i didn't say word nothing to anyone. I did much what your mentioning but different things i eventually lost i thought was trying to hurt me like he did luckly he wasn't hurt i just ran him over with my wheelchair for 2 years this happened. My mind, body, and soul couldn't anymore i walked into a therapist office to discuss other issues probably within fourto 6 months i flipped when he entered the room in a black coat. I've come to realize that the pain i am and have endured since is much better in the long run b/c the longer it takes for you to talk to someone maybe not even a therapist it take even longer for what your going to process and heal from it. I just don't want you to go through even more pain then you already are.