I'm a 40 year old woman, single, no kids, and have never been more miserable or unhappy in my entire life. I have ONE extremely close friend but that's it. (She's in just as bad of a rut as I am so she's not much help!) I have no money, no social life, no fun or enjoyment of any kind. I wake up at 4:30am to get ready for work, walk my dogs, etc. Then drive 50 million miles in horrible traffic to work a job I despise with people I hate. Drive home through even worse traffic, have to deal with cooking, cleaning, house stuff, walking dogs, etc. Then I'm so exhausted I veg on the couch until it's time to go to bed. Every day of my life is exactly the same.

The only thing that gives me any pleasure at all are my dogs.. I don't know what kind of mental state I would be in if it wasn't for them!

It is so hard to meet new people at this stage in life. It's even harder when you don't go anywhere. A trip to the grocery store is a big exciting event for me and I'm certainly not going to meet anyone there. Everyone says "take a class!" (or something similar) to meet people with common interests. But I can barely pay my mortgage and bills and have ZERO money left over to spend on anything like that. I took a free aerobics class at the park hoping to meet some neighborhood women but they all looked at me like I was Satan and wouldn't even talk to me. I tried being friendly and nice but they just ignored me. WTF? (And please don't suggest church as I am a non-religous person!)

It's also hard to meet men because I'm overweight. Even though I'm attractive, clean, healthy, fun, friendly, intelligent, and nice, being overweight automatically makes me un-dateable. Men have never, and will never, approach me or try to talk to me. I have never had a successful or normal relationship with a man my entire life. I attract the scumbags that are out to take advantage of the poor desperate fat chick.

So not only does my personal life suck, but my job is a disaster. I hate my coworkers, hate the work I do, hate my bosses, everything. But with the way the economy is, jobs are scarce and I should be thanking my lucky stars I have this job. It still doesn't make it any better. I do tech support on the phone and get screamed at all day by angry, irate people. It's just awful.

Every weekend I sit home alone. Sometimes my friend and I will hang out at one of our houses but she is a single mom and has no money so we can't go anywhere or do anything. I never have any fun or enjoyment of any kind. It's just work and chores. I can't remember the last time I really laughed. I see places I want to go but have nobody to go with. I'm starting to feel that people on TV are my friends and I know that's unhealthy.

The past 4 years have been a nightmare for me and I really think I had, or am having, a nervous breakdown. My mom had cancer, my dad had a heart attack (both are fine now but my family went through some horrors as I'm sure you can imagine), I had a severe foot injury and surgery, quit smoking, lost my job, started a new job I hate, am stuck in a house I can barely afford because I broke up with my long-term boyfriend/fiancee last year (almost as bad as a divorce), and gained over 50 pounds. How much stress can one person handle?

I'm so down in the dumps it's ridiculous. I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks and am going to ask about anti depressants. I'm already on Xanax to control my panic attacks and I hate to take more medicine, but I just can't shake this crappy feeling. I'm so angry all the time and very hateful of everyone and everything.

I don't know... I just need to vent and can't afford a psychiatrist! My mom is sick of listening to me complain, and my friend says I have no right to complain about anything since I have a good job and own my own house. So I get no sympathy or help from anyone.

Thanks for listening. I don't expect any answers or miracles but I just needed to let it out.