Dear Shelterdog71,

I'm sorry life seems so colourless and miserable for you at the moment.

I can relate to quite a lot that you describe in your post. I'm a woman of similar age, also single and childless (actually haven't really managed to have a proper long-term relationship) and have moved about so frequently that I often felt quite isolated and lonely in the new place I moved to. I completely agree, it generally gets harder to get to know new people and make friends as you get older. At uni, you are all in the same boat and a lot of the context is about making friends, whereas if you move somewhere and start a new job you meet people who usually already have their families and circle of friends and often don't find the time to meet up with you.

What has made a real change to me was joining a social club in the town where I currently live. Sometimes it's difficult to get to places, as I currently can't afford a car, but often people are very friendly and are happy to give me a lift. I don't see them all the time (nor a few friends I've met when I joined a reading group) and there are still quite often times when I feel lonely and isolated but that often has to do with me being too lethargic or listless to take the initiative to actually go and join them.
Earlier this year I even managed to come off my anti-depressant due to the lifestyle changes I've made. (The fact that I've rather gone downhill again in the last few months had other reasons). Yesterday I made myself join them for a day trip and I felt so much happier and contented afterwards - it was amazing considering the state I'd often been in over the last few months.

I was wondering whether you could join a social group like this as well. I would give you the details of mine, but as it's a national UK one and I see that you're in the US, it probably means finding something appropriate there that works similarly. Could you do a search on the Internet what is currently available in your town? Or maybe go to the public library and / or the information centre there to make enquiries?
I know you said that money is a concern. I'm not particularly well-off myself (just rent a room and can't really afford a car, for example) but some of the things these clubs do are either for free such as walks at weekends in your local area or barely cost a couple of pounds like the occasional pub night.

You say that you do a free aerobics class. If you enjoy exercise, which is a really good antidote for mood disorders, maybe you could join a running or walking group? They tend to be for free or not cost much either and it could be a rather stress-free way of meeting people.

In my experience, if one has a bit more of a social life and can pursue some interests, other aspects of life that are currently not so great like work are not quite so distressing any longer. Of course, you can always keep your eyes open for a new job, but I know that the economic situation is quite bad.

It's great that you have your dogs. Looking after other living beings must be so rewarding and endow you with a greater sense of meaning. Personally, I'd love to have a cat, but living in a rented room on the second floor and being (when I'm not off sick) at work all day, there's no chance of having one. The accommodation office wouldn't allow it either.
Taking your dogs out for walks must be nice.

I'd definitely go to your GP and discuss the possibility of taking anti-depressants for a while. Although they don't resolve everything, they at least take the edge off things.

Anger and hate are classic emotional symptoms of depression. They had recently hit me quite badly again and I got myself into all kinds of problems at work because of this. The emotions will hit you less strongly and frequently once you pick up a bit. I know that it's very hard to deal with them though.

Please try not to give up and see whether you can find a social support network where you live and see your GP. I'm not sure what the mental health provision is like in the US, but hopefully your doctor can refer you for some counselling or therapy to help you to deal with certain feelings and issues.

I don't know whether this has been helpful. I just thought I share a few of my experiences and try to think of what might be constructive in your situation.

Shadow-world.