I've been trying to decide if this post would better fit here or in the relationship forum, but I decided on here because of the sexuality aspect of it.

If you've read any of me previous posts, you might know that I have a fear of intimacy. At least that's what I am labeling it because I don't know of a better way to describe it. It's not so much the emotional aspects of sex/relationships that scare me (I actually want that), but the physical, sexual parts. The idea of having sexual relations with anyone freaks me out. I get really anxious and just freeze up. At first I thought it was just because I wasn't attracted to the guy I was with, but this has happened more recently with guys I actually wanted to sleep with. I worry I won't be good enough. I worry I won't want to have sex with them as often as they would like (or more than they would like). I worry they'll think I look gross/fat/ugly/etc. I worry they won't want to be with me again after that.

On a separate but possibly related note, over the past year or two I've started to think about what it would be like to be with another woman. The idea of that doesn't freak me out quite so much as it does with a man, but I wonder if it has to do with the way I seem to idealize situations I can't/won't experience. I've never actually met a woman I would want to be with physically, but I have met several men I would like to be with. I have begun to question whether I am actually straight or if I am bisexual. I don't have a problem with being bisexual, but I can't figure out if it is more of a "I feel intimidated/anxious being sexual with men, so let's substitute women in their place" type of thing.

I had a friend once tell me she was bisexual but would only be with women because she found them less intimidating and dominating. I have a strong need to be/feel independent and in control of my life, so maybe I have started thinking the same way? One guy I am a bit interested in is more of the dominant type, however, and I think part of me would be interested in a sexual experience like that.

Maybe "fear of sex with men" would be a better label that "fear of intimacy" in this case? Whatever the label, I'm not sure how to solve the problem.