I wrote a post earlier and for some reason I guess it didn't go through. Thought it was just being moderated, so I'll post again. If the other one shows up sorry

I am so sorry to hear about everything you had to go through alone. I can't imagine how hard that was to have everything put on your shoulders. While that situation seems to you to be horrible, I see it differently...maybe because I am removed from the situation and just going by basic understands of what a mother is. I do not see everything you have "done" as "not loving your daughter", I see it as the opposite. While you were dealing with heavy emotional feelings, YOU are the one that stood by your daughter, even during the times in which you thought you couldn't. Sometimes we have to push the details aside and go into survival mode. We have to do whatever it takes to get ourselves through that day. You brought your daughter every step of the way with you when many others would have physically checked out. I can only hope my child protection/survival mode would have come out like that. I suffer from sever depression and have no idea how I would get through that when I can't even take care of myself. I would be proud to call you my mom and because you are with your daughter, loving her everyday, she should be too (especially when she grows up and knows how everything played out). My advice is forgive yourself for being human and doing what you needed to do at that time to function. Otherwise, your smart little one will pick up on your negative feelings instead of all the love you give her. I am convinced, given your past situation, that you will overcome this. You sound like a strong, smart person to me and I in no way, shape or form took your story as anything other than inspirational.