Hi Hamster. I hope I can help.

I responded to your other post without reading this one. Do forgive me of that. With regards to the email alone, I generally stand by what I said. However, this certainly does add a new dimension that I wasn't able to consider in my last post. If you would, read that, and this will serve as an attachment.

Before I begin, I have to clear something up. Is he still married? If so, I would highly recommend to the both of you that he reconcile his marriage before being engaged with you, be it by leaving her to be with you or vice versa. Please do not take this as me judging you, but if he is still in a martial relationship, I can't in good faith advise much in that regard. I bring it up in large part for the simple fact that in my experience, affairs tend to end poorly and leave a trail of heartbreak for you, him, and her in the end. My point is that I don't wish to see you go through that. Please feel free to shoot me a PM in that regard...I was the "victim" of being the unknowing "other guy," though I will be the first to confess that it was largely a result of my naivety and willful ignorance. Point is, not fun.

Otherwise, I should point out that besides general knowledge that psychological medication can really do a number on the libido, I'm not very well versed in medicines, and I don't want to offer advice on something so important without knowledge on the subject. Therefore, I can't get into what role your medication may play (though congrats on defeating unorgasmia and getting the multiples back...I may very well speak on behalf of 99.9% of the male population and say you are envied ). Do forgive me on that. I hope another user can help you there.

Now, on to business...I think you may be dismissing his theory too soon. It's a possibility your "cruelty" was a turn on for him...almost, in some regards, to the way being submissive in a BDSM relationship can be. It also stands to reason that the "shock" of the "new you" might be a factor. I don't think that your weight would be a factor, in all honesty. I think it's rude of him to bring it up as often as he does, but if he's still aroused, I don't think that's going to stop him, so to speak. Speaking rather honestly, once we hit that point, it's as long as you're not hitting it with a hammer, you generally get results.

That being said, age and alcohol use over long term can very well be factors. Men will age differently as their testosterone drops, and yes, I do believe that an ED doesn't just mean failure to rise. If he has had this issue before, it may very well just be part of the standard progression of whatever it is. In that regard, he should speak to his doctor...you, I don't think, can be held responsible for that.

Advising under the assumption he is separated from his wife (again, not judging, this is just a little out of my comfort zone if he's not, to be honest...do forgive me there ), talk to him about it. You can't do anything about it if it's a legitimate physical block, but perhaps you could (with a little prep...you don't want to flip a proverbial switch on him personality wise and "shock" him more, if that's the case) bring back the way you used to be with him? There is, in my rather broad excursions on the internet red light districts (I'm 19...cut me a little slack there ), a fairly extensive subculture/fetish about being "cuckolded" like you seem to describe him to enjoy. Please correct me if my assessment of that is incorrect.

And speaking as a guy and rather frankly, yes, the "audio" is important. I will confess a very...well, to heck with lightly at this point...I'm still a virgin, but based on what I DO know, the sounds are a major turn on. There's a few reasons...aside from the obvious, thinking from his perspective, he may need the "confirmation" that he's doing a "good job." Inability to be able to reach climax, and thus make those sounds, might trigger an insecurity on his part in that he might feel inadequate. That's my guess, at any rate, but I feel confident in it.

I do hope I was of some help, and please, I hope I didn't come off as judging or in any way offend. I only mean to advise what I think is best for you in the long term, and given what I went through with my ex, I have a serious block in advising on the continuation of an affair (speaking if, of course. I was not clear on that regard of your post, so I may be needlessly speaking here). Again, please know I do not mean to judge or offend. I've been worried on that regard from the "Hi there" to now.

My best, and lots of hugs,
Harley

PS: How much does he smoke, do you know? lol I hadn't heard the correlation between smoking and...well, shrinkage. I smoke a pack a week with my roommate...and if it has a "pronounced" effect in that area, then I think I need to make a few reevaluations.