I hope you r in a safe place with the support and understanding you need at this time. It seems to me you may need to get some kind of emergency intervention. I once contacted the Vancouver Police department and mental health crisis team to get my daughter committed to a mental hospital for nine days. They found her and she was stabilized and treated before she was referred to other resources. I knew enough to know she needed help because I had experienced similar but not as severe episodes. Please reach out for help it sounds like serious panic attack from overwhelming stress. They mimic a heart attack.