Doc John I hope you can help me out and guide me what i should do!
As a child i have been attracted to women.I tried to let go and not think about it but i just cant help it.
As a kid my best friend kissed on my lips just for fun and after that we use to kiss each other all the time...we were just doing it for fun so she said. We had a fight about something and after that we stopped though we are still best friends but we pretend as nothing of that sort happened. My problem started after that. I feel very attracted to someone. She is in her forties and unmarried and i am 18. For past four years i have been feeling gay about her. She gives all sorts of attention and would hug me randomly, where ever i am sitting she would pass by me intentionally and eye me.
But these past six months I was depressed and tired of waiting for a proper relationship with her. I started hating myself for what i have become and my choice. I started seeing a psychiatrist but my parents as they dont know the problem didnt let me continue the weekly sessions. About 2 months ago when i saw her..I am angry and frustrated and as she was passing by me i said i hated her to my friend...she heard what i said and after that she started ignoring me. For more than two months i didnt see her. Meanwhile i was desperately waiting where i usually sit to see her. I was ever more missed. We met thrice she tried to joke but i was pissed and didnt know what to say to her!! I dont Know how to stop thinking about her! How to stop being gay! There are very nice guys who like me and have asked me out but i denied. I dont know what to do! I have cut my myself and was about a week ago kill myself!