No, Harley, it is not about that (what you supposed). Nothing has changed. I visited him and the same story repeated itself - really hard, good erections and no orgasm/ejaculation, and he again blames my not being kind/fair/receptive/smart/whatever to him/with him many years ago, and he is still unhappy that I did not have sex with him back then, 25, 20 years ago and he cannot stop talking about it.

That is really annoying. It is also annoying that he thinks that my attitude towards second hand tobacco smoke is abnormal and, in his words, PSYCHOSOMATIC. The thing is, I got a migraine when he smoked in the kitchen adjacent to the bedroom where I was trying to sleep. Now, second hand tobacco smoke, just as caffeine withdrawal, skipping meals, dehydration, and, for some unlucky folks but not me, aged cheese and red wine, is a migraine trigger. I got that migraine about 10 minutes after he started smoking. I told him about it. He said that perhaps it is due to white wine (I had a glass of Riesling about an hour before that). Well, white wine is not known to be a migraine trigger. And that attitude to put responsibility on something outside his behavior! I took Imitrex, my anti-migraine med. It helped. Then the pain came back and he I told him about it and what do you think he said? "Just one more cigarette." I had to take another Imitrex. He did not go outside (he is afraid of catching a cold if he smokes outside in cold weather). He said "just one more cigarette".

So someone who has the guts to blame me for not having sex with him when he most wanted it two decades ago about does not care enough about me to abstain from smoking for several days!

Next day I went to stay with my bff and her family in a smoke-free environment but on the very last night of my trip I stayed with him because I left my suitcase with him. He invited me to go to Israel with him in May, which was very nice of him (I have never been to Israel and it would be free for me because I have enough Delta miles for a free flight and he would pay for hotel). But still he insisted that my migraine was PSYCHOSOMATIC. I said "go read - tobacco smoke provokes migraines". He said "but who wrote that?" (he believes that narco mafia finances all anti tobacco campaigns in the US and he also believes that smoking is beneficial in that it prevents Alzheimer's whereas in reality smoking is a risk factor, see http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/20...re-bad-science). And suggested that I go talk to a psychoanalyst about my migraines.

So he has this weirdest problem of not ejaculating that no one here has any clue about, and the only guy I asked about it in RL had no clue about either, and I have never come across this problem anywhere in many years and it has not even been mentioned let alone discussed anywhere, and he believes he can advise me to go see an analyst about my migraines which happen after exposure to tobacco smoke, a well-documented trigger of migraine attacks?

I did not say anything and I will not say anything unless I actually consider going to visit Israel with him because it is very frustrating to be with a person who does not come and I do not want to go through this experience again and I do not think I deserve to go through this experience as I am trying to be nice, so I will suggest that he go see a sex T to discuss this weird PSYCHOSOMATIC problem.

Harley, to put your worries to rest - this time his erection was of a good size, so his smoking, which is heavier than yours, apparently has not harmed him in that department. However, studies show that smoking can lead to ED and the more you smoke, the higher the risk. http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfun...le-dysfunction

I still cannot believe that someone who talks so much about his unrequited love in the past and his suffering AND talks about his lack of nicotine dependency (he says that he is not addicted because ten years ago he was hospitalized for some GI trouble, for a week, without smoking, and was fine)... cannot forego smoking in order to be with the object of his long standing love. So smoking must be more important. How else can I interpret his choices?

I have not experienced any chemical dependency myself, ever, so maybe I just cannot empathize with him and I really cannot comprehend his behavior - to me it seems that giving up smoking for two weeks should not be such a big deal.

He says that US recession is due to bans on smoking in bars. I said - look, California placed bans on smoking in restaurants and bars in mid-1990s and that did not stop all the high tech development that has benefited the world over. He was not receptive - he just believes what he believes. And that is OK - I do not care about the beliefs, in the end, I care about actions, which speak louder than words, and the actions say that smoking IS more important than me. The end.