I joined a church i love and i stopped sleeping with bfriend. He always said he loved me for my soul and companionship and he would love me whether we had sex or not. He never wanted to get married. Well i stopped sleeping with him for religious reasons and i was abused as a child and recently retraumatized BADLY.
well he became abusive and then admitted it was because we were no longer intimate. We were together over 5 years. Now i'm so confused. The church would like to find me a husband, but with my experiences, i'm thinking, why would i want a guy? They just use me and leave me devastated. Also, why would a guy want me? I feel used, humiliated, ashamed, dirty. I'm twice divorced. My story of abuse is sickening. Because of my meds, i don't think i can have children safely and i can't go off my meds. Also i don't want to mention my denomination, but kids are a big deal in my faith which is one reason i love my faith. Kids are just wonderful.aaargh. Why am i on this planet? Everything is too complicated, scary and confusing.