"Everything is too complicated, scary and confusing."

You have just made it more complicated, scarier, and much more confusing by joining something extreme. I mean, church finding you a husband? Are you not able to find yourself a husband when the time comes and you feel like it?? Why would you delegate this important task to the church? What else would they be doing for you - applying to colleges or for employment or whatever is relevant to you now? Who would have to live with that hypothetical husband - you or the church? If you, then you should oversee the selection process because you would deal with the consequences.

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In a way it was a litmus test with your bf. He became abusive when deprived of intimacy. So, he is not the best. Abuse is bad.

But you should understand that you put him to a really extreme, unusual kind of test. Most girlfriends who have spent 5 years with their boyfriends do not stop sleeping with said boyfriends all of a sudden just because some extremists have brainwashed them. Do you realize that? I am not trying to excuse his abuse but just to say that he, well, went through an experience that is out of the range of ordinary.

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So it seems that the boyfriend is no good and the church is no good. Not an enviable situation to be in, for sure...

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From what I can gather, there is a whole range of available options in today's America in terms of denominations so you can most definitely find something that would strengthen rather than undermine you.