ok heres my two sense worth
Sometimes if we have been abused in a way we are attracted back to it as a means or reliving the "attention" even if it was the wrong type of attention from a care giver - this was how we saw love - its hard to adjust or even recognise other types of "love"
Some people enjoy being humiliated because it gives them sexual or personal pleasure - if it disturbs you yet you are still attracted to it - are you attempting to punish yourself ? is there a problem wiht low self esteem? using a mask in real life ? these could be some of the causes.
or even that you actually like it but dont think you should?
all things to think about.
Submission doesnt have to be that way - it can be meeting the needs of both parties in a way that enhances and benefits both parties without any need for pain - there are limits that can be in place ...
anyway just throwing in some thoughts .....
feel better soon
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet