Help. I don't want anyone to touch me. My H and I have had a not to great marriage for many years now. He has done a lot of hurtful things emotionally to me. I have developed PTSD mostly at his hands, well words. We just don't get along that great. After a discussion tonight my H more or less said be "friendly" or else. Not put out or get out but act like you like me, touch me like you like me. I told him I don't want to have sex everytime he puts his hands on me and that is what I feel like he wants. He says not in a sexual way. Hold hands, put my hand on his leg, be receptive when he hugs me. I can't though. I'm not like that. Just writing parts of this repulse me. Just the thoughts of physical touch gives me chills.

I would say the deteriating relation ship is to blame but that is not the case. I am just not a touchy feely person. I never have been. The T asked my H what kind of touch had he recieved in the past that he liked because I obviously have no idea what he is talking about. He talked about girls friends with there hand in his back pocket, or holding onto his belt loop. Simply holding hands or setting near one another in the truck. I don't do those things. I never did those things.

It sounds so simple. But why is it so hard. I'm 38 for crying out loud and have been married to him 18 years. It's not like we just met. This is what he wants from me. I want him to be nice to me and stop w/ the emotional abuse. I realize that emotional abuse doesn't make me want to be touched by this man. I feel more like his kid not his wife and that affects our relationship in the bed room as well as out of the bedroom.

I was raped repeatedly as a teenager by a boyfriend. There are some things I jsut do not do and my H gets that. But he is not talking about sex. Well sex to but more just casual touch. My H said more or less, I have wasted 18 years of my life waiting for you to come around. I aint waitin another 18. If you don't think you can improve and be more affectionate let me know because I don't play on staying for 18 more years like this.

WHAT!!!! Is all I could think. We have worked on alot of things and overcame many obstacles. I have asked him to do things that I think might be beyond his control. Be nice to me, don't yell at me, help me out some.

God is that something I can really change? Can I do that to save our marriage? The thought of being accepting of my husbands advances scare me. If I loved him and didn't fear him maybe I could be more affectionate. I don't fear him in a physical abuse kind of way, more of I don't trust you w/ my heart kind of way. Emotional abuse has eaten away at our relationship to the point that there is almost nothing left to hang on to.

Touch, who thought it would come down to this. I have given of my self in all other areas of our marriage, but touch, I have a real hard time w/ that.

My H is not the first person I dated that has called me unaffectionate. I have had a few boyfriends who had the same complaint. Nothing to do w/ sex. Is it due to 9 mo of rape that is feeding this fear. I do not know. Is this something someone can change, I don't know. For years I wanted to know what am I doing wrong in this relationship, this is the big issue, how petty to say that I cannot bring myself to hold hands, touch my H's arm, be receptive to his hugs, to his kisses.

Yuck. Just saying those last two things make me cringe. I've been married to the man for 18 years. What is wrong w/ me. How did I get this way. Is a kiss or the lack of gonna seal my fate.

Can anyone relate to this, am I crazy, am I the most freakish female ever. I'm not lesbian, I'n just broken I guess. What is wrong w/ me. Why wouldn't someone want touch. It is human nature. To communicate threw touch, to love, to nurture, to feel another humans touch. But I'd rather not.

well I'm not really gettting anywhere tonight, please help me if you have any thing to offfer. Goodnight.