It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. When you marry someone, you allow them to know what makes you happiest and what hurts you the most. All people have disagreements, but when someone uses the things that they know will hurt you the most, that is abuse.

Rape is a traumatic experience, even once let alone several times. It can ruin previously strong relationships let alone relationships that start after the fact. Whether or not that is part of why you are wary of touch is something that only you know.

Do you know why you feel you need to stay in the marriage you are in? It sounds abusive, and if it is, every year that you spend being intimidated and verbally abused is going to strip more of your self esteem away. Believe me, I know. I was in a marriage for seven years during which my wife abused me emotionally. When I would call her on it, she would cry and say she was just trying to get a reaction. I'd forgive her, then three or so days later, it would all start again. I didn't believe in divorce and we had a small child, but I realized that anyone who would treat me that way, really didn't love me. I got out, fortunately before my son was able to recall all the abuse, but the emotional scars are still there. No one should have to live that way.

The reality is that the abuse is not going to stop on its own. If you really love this man, then you need to get both of you into counselling. If you search your soul and find that you really don't love him, you need to get out. There are other people who don't particularly need to be "touchy feely" either. Fear of being alone or never finding another mate is not a good reason to stay in an abusive relationship. You don't deserve that. You are not an object to be used or a trophy to hang off your husband. He sounds a bit like a control freak.

It is entirely possible that you are suffering from PTSD. Unfortunately, I think it is easier for a man to find a woman who is more understanding about touch boundries and emotional problems than it is for a woman to find a man who will understand. (I can say that being a guy lol). It could be that you have never been in a realtionship that you truly felt comfortable with. Regardless, who ever you are with, they need to respect your personal space.

I'm not a touchy feely person myself. I rarely use people's names when I talk to them. My personal space is huge. If someone goes to hug me, I literally back up. For those that really needed a hug, I would steele myself, but would still be stiff. There is no general norm for interpersonal relationships. If you aren't comfortable hugging, holding hands, whatever, then who ever you are with needs to respect that. Don't waste your time letting someone make you feel like their problems are your fault. You are still young. It may not seem like it, but you are. Talk to your therapist about your feelings. If nothing else, it may help you to clarify what you are feeling.

Sam2