SAM Thank you so very much. Many of the things you say are very true. I have been married to this man for 18 years. So any self worth I did have is gone, way gone. I don't know why I stay. Hope I guess.

I also have 3 kids, and that is a concern, how will I raise them, will the money be enough money. Is it better to live in poverty or better to live in abuse? Apparently I can do either, but the kids, I just don't know. Both are a very harsh reality.

Much like you, if my H is affectionate towards me I stand there stiff as a board. Sire hug me if you need to. I used to back away but I force myself to just just stand there and not retreat now. That is an improvement, I feel like. I don't know where this will go.

I know I have PTSD and the T says it may very well be the kind that is triggered by touch. (much like combat PTSD) It is the most difficult type to deal w/ as a professional.

My H and I are in marriage T. Some days I think it helps other days I think I'm still crazy for staying.