Hi, nutgirl! We are here to support you and to encourage you--and to offer advice, but we can't take the place of a mental-health professional, and I do believe you need to get professional help. As you see, sometimes we reach the point where we just can't pull ourselves back together.
It is possible that some of your behavior is due to depression, but we aren't able to diagnose here. That would be something also to address with a professional.
That said, we are here to try to help the best we can. What can we do to help?