I dont know where to start, im feeling so much pain that i feel like dying. Have seriously thought that dying is the only way out of this pain that im feeling. My therapist had sex with me for 3 years. He never forced me to do anything. I wanted it also and i enjoyed it. However the crunch came when he told me that he had been deregistered from practising again due to doing the same to another patient. I have reported him to the medical board for what he did to me. I thought that he cared about me...not as in love of course but that he cared about me as a person. My husband and I havent had a sexual relationship for many many years and i was feeling desperately lonely and needed to feel intimacy again. He provided this for me and at the time I really enjoyed and didnt think that he was causing me harm by doing what he did. Its only now that its over that the feelings of being used by him have hit me. On one hand i hate him for what he did to me, but on the other hand i miss him. I feel so mixed up and dont know how im supposed to continue my life without him. I trusted my therapist for 20 years and during the first 17 years he did help me through life issues and how to cope with things at were happening in my life. I thought of him as someone that i could confide in and felt a strong bond towards him. I didnt tell anyone what happened for just over a year and just recently i told my new therapist thinking that i would feel better talking to someone about what happened but i dont feel any better. If anything I feel as though no one understands the sheer pain and heartache that im dealing with. I just cannot live with this pain and im afraid that in a moment of grief and pain that i will blurt this out to my husband.....my husband knows nothing of what happended....