It's going to take a lot of time to get through this Lizzie, but you can do it. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I am glad that it is no longer happening. How are things with your new therapist? It's tough to start again with someone new, but if you're liking this person so far, there's hope that he/she will be able to guide you through the process of grief. The feelings here are deep and complicated. That is the sort of twisted nature of being used... these feelings of trust and need are utilized by someone for his/her own gain, but even after you realize what's up, it's not like those feelings that have been cultivated for so long disappear.

As someone who was unfaithful, my advice in dealing with your husband is to PLAN to tell him, so that it doesn't all come out at a really bad time. It will always be a bad time, but if you can prepare yourself a little and try to do it while you are as prepared as you can be to deal with his grief and likely anger, you'll be putting yourself in a better position. If I couldn't take back that actual betrayal, the next thing I would change would be to tell H myself -- I didn't, he found out on his own, and I really think it went a lot worse that way. It would have made a big difference if I had decided to come clean, and personally, I had really not been prepared for what it would look like to try to fix things. I don't want to scare you, but it will be really hard, and it will feel very burdensome for a while. But it will be WAY less burdensome than carrying the secret. PM anytime.

Hopefully others will respond... although I have never had this experience with a T, I and many others here know well how deep that bond goes, and how brutal a betrayal of that sort of deep trust can be. Take care of yourself.