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LizzieVale
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Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 119
10 yr Member
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Default Apr 13, 2013 at 07:57 PM
 
Thank you for understanding and for not judging me. As soon as think about what he did to me i get a overwhelming sensation of pain in the pit of my stomach that just wont go away. I feel physically and emotionally sick. What hurts the most is that for 20 years of my life I thought that i had someone who i could turn to regarding any difficulites or problems that came up in my life and he always knew the answers. This is even before the sexual abuse commenced. I trusted him and not once did i question his advice or his motives towards me. I honestly thought he cared about my well being. Now im left with conflicting emotions......that part of me who thought i had someone i could go to to reasurre me and advise me of what to do is gone. He was like a father figure to me and i was the child who believed and trusted him. Now Im left with feeling of being violated and used and harmed. He knew what this would do to me but he didnt care. This is the most difficult issue that ive ever had to cope with in my life. The pain just wont go away. Those thoughts and feeling keep running through my head until i feel like escaping this madness. I have never thought about self harming myself so much as i have since this has happened. My current therapist seems understanding and is helping me work through my feelings but no one can erase the past from my head. I want peace....i dont want to think about it anymore and the only way i can think of to do this is to no longer be alive.

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