Quote:
Originally Posted by Jungatheart
Lizzie,
I am so sorry and I do relate to the feelings you are going through. Hang in there! You can do this and write as often as you need. You are not alone. I relate in many ways. The TELL website - read their articles/papers - all of them. Seriously. And email them!
You have relied on this man for a long time, he made you believe that you needed him. 20 years is very enmeshed. He sexually abused you regardless of if you liked or not. It was his duty to respect you and uphold ethics. Ethics and laws really are there to protect you - and for a good reason. He has broken so many that I feel scared for people seeing him right now.
You CAN live through this, YOU can find real support and respect, even if you don't trust them right away. You have been abused. For me, validating it all has been difficult. Because I also miss him, I also loved him....to both miss him and understand that I were seriously exploited is so difficult. It's not your fault, yet you get to feel the fall out.
For the first two weeks after my own fall out - I think I cried more than I ever have in my life. And the only way I could get myself to eat was to eat my favorite food every day. I'm just saying, find your own way to take care of yourself, those little things that make you feel good do make a difference. And know that you are not alone.
With compassion.
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Thank you for your kind and reasuring words Jungatheart. You seem to understand how im feeling. I too have never cried and felt so much pain as i have during the past year. My former therapist has been de-registered from the medical board as another female patient reported him for doing the same as what he did to me. I've also had to submit my own reports of the event and the incidents which took place. I feel as though not only am I a victim of my former therapist's abuse but now I have to relive the entire sordid events which took place. All i want to do is forget about the past.
At the time that the sexual abuse was happening i never thought of myself as a victim of sexual abuse. It was a year later that I realised my therapist wasnt the caring a person that he had led me to believe he was. I placed all my trust in this man never even for one moment questioning his motives. He made me rely on him for my sense of self worth. He knew all the right things to say to me in order to make me feel good about myself. I needed him to make me feel good about myself and i still do. He never really taught me life coping skills, he merely told me what i wanted to hear.
Its only now that he no longer part of my life that i realise how much i had come to rely on him to make myself feel validated. He was like the father that i never had. As much as i hate him i still miss the way he made me feel. Today I just feel numb and empty and without any feelings....wish i could sleep forever...
Thank you for helping me feel not so alone in my pain.... x