Thank you Jungatheart and nicoleflynn,
Believe me I really am trying to be kind to compassionate to myself but its so difficult. Its difficult to explain but for 20 years he was the only person that i could turn to whenever i needed to make sense of my of life or ask advice regarding issues in my life. During the majority of those 20 years he really did help me, or at least i thought he helped me. I dont know at what stage he decided that he wanted me in a sexual manner. Regardless of the sexual part of our relationship, he provided me with a sense of feeling safe and secure in the knowledge that no matter what he was always there for me. I now associate my feelings of feeling good about myself with him. I don't have that anymore. As much as i know what he did was wrong I miss him and the feelings of security that he provided me with. Now I'm left feeling totally confused and alone and with two sets of conflicting feelings about him. On the one hand i miss him and am left with a huge void in my life. On the other hand i despise him immensely for doing what he knew was wrong and would impact me in a negative manner.

How do i move forward in my life and forget all about him ?

Will i ever get over this? How long before i start feeling better about myself? I have so many questions but no answers.