View Single Post
Jungatheart
Poohbah
Jungatheart has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,213
10 yr Member
864 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2013 at 06:28 PM
 
Yes, of course there was good. That's why you went, kept going. Is there a point that you remember things changing? It would have been way before it turned sexual. Have you written out a time-line of it all? You may find that helpful.

Those conflicting thoughts and feelings make everything that much more painful. He instigated your dependency and for a reason. That's been a hard fact for me to swallow, that he made me feel like I "needed" him in order to feel good - for his own power, all disguised in the name of care. That's one of the biggest catastrophes of it all and an evil violation. It blows my mind that anyone would do such a thing, but I am beginning to accept this.

20 years is a very long time, and it's going to take some time to heal the many layers that are involved. You will start to feel more confident in your ability to feel good on your own. That is the truth - he was never actually necessary in order for you to feel safe and secure within yourself. That was a lie he fed you, and it ties into wanting a parent figure to take care of us. Who wouldn't want that, especially if you never had it as a kid. That's where/how self compassion comes in.

I can't really speak to your questions, but you can email the TELL volunteers who have a good amount of time out from their abusers. They are from all over the world. Their articles on their website have some good insights. Part of shame is the secrecy, so telling trusted individuals can help you move forward.

All I know to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, trying to just let myself feel, trying to gain some understanding, trying to reach out, trying to be more self loving in moments, trying to feel more hope than wounded in moments. Some days are better than others - so also trying to have patience.

Last edited by Jungatheart; May 08, 2013 at 08:14 PM..
Jungatheart is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LizzieVale
 
Thanks for this!
LizzieVale