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AppalachianAxis
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 156
10 yr Member
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Default Aug 01, 2013 at 05:49 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DePressMe View Post
AppalachianAxis, I've never written on PC about this topic because it is so personal...but, you have given me the courage to try. I admire your honesty.

I've always had problems with sex but there was a short time I sorta enjoyed it--I still had my limits. Many years ago I started taking meds that completely eliminated my sex drive. As time progressed I began to feel repulsed by sex. Not too long ago I had a dream about a sexual activity and I woke up startled and completely grossed out. Any thoughts about sex make me feel unclean and I don't want to have anything to do with it.

I'm lucky--I've had a boyfriend for many years and he has been very understanding about my situation and feelings. Recently I changed my shirt in front of him and that seemed...well, okay. He has been patient with me and says he'll wait until I'm ready. By that he means any type of sexual activity--even if we never have sex he is willing to compromise and do whatever I feel comfortable with...he says baby steps. Changing my shirt in front of him was a little baby step.

I don't know if this writing has helped you any. Although our stories are a little different I can really relate to a lot of your feelings. I hope both of us can wrok things out as best as we possibly can.....take care....D.
Thank you very much for sharing what is clearly a very personal subject. I'm glad I was able to inspire someone!

What you describe, feeling repulsed and unclean by sexual thoughts, describes me very accurately. Only whereas you are able to point to a time in your life where this aversion developed, I've felt this way about sexuality my entire life. There has never been a point for me in my life where I was okay with the concept of being sexually active.

This might be a little too personal for some, but I even distinctly remember my first "wet dream" occurring to a bad nightmare. My relationship with my own sexuality really never improved much from there.

You're very lucky to have such an understanding companion, and for so long! Stories like yours remind me that I should try to remember that the world is full of kind, compassionate, and understanding people. I shouldn't give up hope of finding one such person myself.
I envy your ability to take baby steps, something I know I can't ever do. Sexual contact with another person is so soundly and resolutely off the table for me. That's something I just don't know if I can ask someone else to accept.

Thanks again for your input!
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