I'm afraid I don't fully understand, but I want to. What I gathered from what you are saying is that you physically want to have sex but you do not allow yourself to participate in sexual activity.

For me, I'm scared of sex. I have no issue with masturbation, but the idea of being physically close with someone else scares me. I'm afraid to get undressed and I'm afraid of a man touching me. I really want to get over that fear because I do want to have sex, but right now I am scared of it. I read online that sexual anorexia is suppressing your sex drive to gain a sense of control and is often a result of the fear of intimacy that I expressed. Is it like a fear of intimacy that you justified by saying that you don't need sex? Do you feel the same way about masturbation? Do you feel like having sex is a sign of a lack of self control? Do you have any idea what is making you feel so shameful about this?

Regardless, I hope you are seeing someone about this because sex is a natural, healthy part of of life and even if you never have sex, you can't will away your sex drive. That will always be a part of you and I hope you can make peace with it.