Hi bluegirl,
I suffered from a very similar situation (still am on some levels, but at least I got out). For the first year and a half I stayed in a very unhappy situation, but I kept on looking for solutions and reaching out to other women and mothers in the area. I met an elderly lady who offered me a great deal on an apartment and I filed for divorce and left him.

I am not trying to encourage divorce at all, since a tiny baby can take a huge toll on even the strongest of relationships. However, it sounds like there are a lot of other issues involved wihich don't sound healthy. I found once I left and the arguing ceased at home my daughter calmed down a lot and stopped fussing so much and was able to concentrate more. I think children are more aware than we think. So, even if you don't plan on leaving him for good, just physically seperating yourself temperarily by finding another place for you and your beautiful babe can do an enormous job in waking him up to reality (if he is capable). Don't worry, things will improve too. As your child gets older and more independant more and more options will open up for you individually. So even if you feel trapped now, just remember, it isn't forever, things WILL change and improve. Focus on yourself and your baby and enjoy every second, because it all passes so quick! Good Luck!