Hey thankyou for all the replies.Its nice to know that there are others going through this and its not just me.Its really weird cause I even find myself wanting to hurt myself when Ive had a brilliant day.I just keep thinking to myself "You dont deserve a good day must punish yourself" Crazy or what.I have been self harming for 9 years now,all my therapists said Id grow out of it boy were they so wrong.....I seem to have grown more into it and its the only lifestyle ive ever known.....I would not say Im happy far from it but I feel I have to do this to myself to keep me feeling normal if there is such a word......Im currently not having any help at all I was refered back to my local mental health team but they have told me that they cant help me so It looks like Im gonna have to deal with this alone....Im sorry if ive babbled on its just sometimes I have to talk otherwise I feel like my head will explode....Thankyou for reading this........