Okay, Chloe, I also have terrible difficulty setting boundaries. But I have another problem. With you. I came here several hours ago and you were saying goodbye, like you don't need us anymore. I was really bothered by that because I just got here and was starting to get more comfortable. You were the one I felt resonance with. So, why aren't you gone? Are you back or what? If you're back to stay, say, at least through New Year's, then good. Welcome back.

A lot of interesting stuff has been coming up. One thing was the idea that I've known several Germans in the U.S. who would knock on my door or call me up and demand that I do . . . [you fill in the blanks]. One woman wanted me to spend my precious Saturday to meet her at a coffeehouse on the other side of San Francisco to look at an old necklace so I could repair it for her. I had plans for my Saturday. She was outraged when I said no. Looking back, good heavens, I should have hung up on her!

Somewhere I picked up a funny little paperback called "Getting in Touch With Your Inner *****" and I learned from that how to answer any request with "I don't think so!" And you don't have to have a reason. And you don't have to lie that you're doing something else. . . . Another boundary problem is thinking you're responsible for someone else or either of you has to take care of the other. You can encourage a friend on the phone, but you have a life and at 9 p.m. you tell them you have to go and then you go. You turn off the phone and get your shower and read your book and do your usual bedtime routine. . . . People avoid my hallway in this senior housing because Barbara halfway down the hall will start telling you something and NOTHING will make her shut up and say see you later! You can be twisting your legs together and saying you have to pee but she keeps talking. Almost funny.

I don't think you have to be that loving in setting boundaries. With some people, you're running for your life! Just do what it takes. You're entitled. And you sound undecided. In which case tell the person you're weary and will talk to them later. Bye-bye! Like Scarlet O'Hara, think about it tomorrow!