A couple more thots:

I know I have to feel these mixed feelings to be a able to let go of the unrealistic picture of myself as someone who 'should not need' the boundaries I realized I had to set, because we all need boundaries... and sometimes it just takes time with someone new, or a new situation, to figure out healthy boundaries. --Chloepatra

We all have and need to have boundaries. Without them you'd be picking up every slobbering drunk on the sidewalk. Every strung-out couldda-been. Or going home with them. Or letting them move in. Yes, indeed, it takes time sometimes. I just came through an un-friending that was not pleasant, but I felt sure it was right. A new friend, T., volunteers in wildlife rehab, as I do. Or she used to. In the training, we were told there's no room for ego in this work. Those baby birds and animals just want to grow up and LIVE! The other volunteers just want to do the work and go home! That stuck with me. All around I see with people that "it's all about them!" So I got hurt in a bus accident -- no broken bones but all torn up, couldn't take a deep breath, lots of pain in the back, hard to walk. And T. took me for meds and chiropractor and groceries and to a concert in a park. I appreciated the help. But this lady is very very different, a retired nurse, and her take on life is very different. Scarey thot: she doesn't knit or crochet or anything like that! As I got feeling better, I realized she was "getting off" on telling me how to live! She's buying a house, has a time-share in Palm Springs and a condo in Sunnyvale! She never seemed to get it that I'm on Social Security. I have resources, a piano, sewing machine, lots of books, but once that check pays the bills, there is not that much left. Don't tell me to get printer cartridges at Costco! Buying in bulk is smart, but sometimes we need a smaller "put-up" when we need things. It takes financial momentum to buy big like that. I have mercifully forgotten what triggered the final break-up. I thought she was fun and interesting. She got upset and called me a "user." Well, yeah, when I could hardly walk and nobody else was helping me. I thanked her endlessly! I was hoping that friendship would stick. . . . I had enough boundaries to NOT ask her to help me buy a car. After I felt well again, I took two buses to go 35 miles to the next city; the beautiful working out of the car would not have happened with her there telling me how a really-smart car buyer dickers and checks everything, blah blah. She has awesome credit. I don't! I was willing to pay an outrageous percentage just to show the credit folks I can make the payments! She would have disowned me for doing that. As it happened, a wonderful dealer made ME a cash deal on a gorgeous trade-in car. I felt like God was working in all of that. It is such a relief not to have to explain what I do to bleeping Ms. T. Anybody you have to please like that -- often moms or sisters -- this is so not good! We decide; we live with the decision; we don't have to explain it to the rest of the world. Except of course a partner.