though of course i do wonder a bit about my encounters... i figured they were about two subjects having a little fun... but then i got to thinking about when it is that i have a desire for one of those encounters... and it seems to be when i am having a desire for intimacy but when i'm scared of intimacy at the same time. so what is it about these encounters that is okay intimacy wise?

control?

control of what? i think maybe it is about being desired. about intimacy yeah. but no strings... so no concerns about abandonment or whatever. because it is an encounter... and sure there is a bit of trust in the moment to be with them... but it isn't about making plans for the future or anything like that. it isn't about making a committment to be there for them (or vice versa).

so maybe it isn't so much about control. but then... who knows.