((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hi))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This is so difficult!!! I am so sorry as it seems that hurt is probably the way out right now for you. You need some support with this as this is a big deal and you are unhappy.
I really don't know what to say other than my heart goes out to you because I know, you were only doing the 'right' thing and that often, we come into ourselves so late in the game. But please know, you deserve happiness and you are worth discovering at any time..............and that perhaps all this has happened for a greater reason than you may know right now, but I am here to listen, even if I don't have answers.

Hang in there................!!!!