what you said makes so much sense... it truely does... so you would think that I could do that - use my self will, determination to get better...

taking the liberty of furthering your thought....

speaking for me only... I think the childhood of sexual and physical abuse, the 12 years of marriage where I was beaten every day pretty much, my Mom that was deathly sick all my life with a heart damaged by reumatic fever - having to take care of her always, the years of being a single parent without help, the carrer with heavy responsibility and on-call....the last job I worked at I was harrashed - very very badly and basically broke in half from it.

well, I'm old, I'm worn out, I feel that I have no one that cares, I lost that exterme drive and will to surivie,,, I say why bother - what is there? but lack the courage to do anything direct about it..

I do know that I am tired of secrets so I am direct today in my post - hopefully it doesn't offend, hurt or otherwise do any damage to anyone.

Mostly, I have no one to care and give to any more...they are either passed or as my son gone..

I love that you care enough to post... to try to figure out "what's the deal"... it shows that you are a caring person.

Sincerely,
freewill