just coming here for advice from mothers.....

so i'm 21. i have BPD and major depressive disorder. i have a stable bf of a year and a half, we live together, have a dog together, etc. We're planning on getting married in a few years.
but all of a sudden, i have this idea of having a baby.
i've always loved babies, and now that i'm in my 20s my biological clock is going NUTS.
to make matters worse, i'm on the pill. and i keep forgetting to take it. i've been SO forgetful lately with my depression and all sorts of med changes. I put it next to my regular pills but i just forget sometimes. and everyone knows you have to take the pill consistently for it to work.
anyways, we had unprotected sex last night. and i just realized that it was probably during my ovulation.
rationally, i know this is an awful idea. i'm in such a terrible place emotionally, i can barely take care of myself. but i honestly feel like i have nothing to live for, and a baby would give me reason to live, get up in the morning and be a part of society. not to mention unconditional love, which is amazing.