I'm sorry if this is material that's been tread on a lot before (I only read the first and last few pages of the thread and skimmed the middle) but I wanted to emphasize that you never, ever have to have sex. I struggled a lot with this issue, and still do - I have a libido, I experience attraction, and I feel that I should "fix" myself so that I enjoy sex and can have it with others. That kind of thinking only led me to hurt myself and others really badly. If you don't want to have sex, and don't enjoy it, you don't have to force yourself. You only have to change yourself if the changes are things you want to happen. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who thinks that sex is necessary for a healthy relationship and life can walk on by me.

That said: please, be gentle with yourself. Especially if you're dealing with confusing feelings and experiences that shake up your idea of yourself! You don't have to know the answer right away, and you seem like you're doing totally the right thing by steering clear of other sexual experiences while you figure things out. I'd also like to throw in a dissenting opinion and say that if taking medication to lower your libido seems like something that would make you happy, it's absolutely ok to do and worth exploring. It's always good to be cautious with psychiatric meds and aware of the effects they're likely to have, but several psych meds are prescribed for non-psych uses as well.

I often convince myself that I would be ok in a sexual relationship with someone - that it wouldn't be so bad - but when I'm honest and think about the kind of relationship I'd want, sex is almost completely out of the picture. That's ok. Whatever you want for yourself is valid, and listening to your gut with this is often the healthiest way to live, even if it leads to "unconventional" answers.