I have never posted on this forum before. So a little back ground info might be helpful.

My H an I have not gotten along well for the past couple of years. We were in marriage T. Thinks around this house are not as calm and sweet as they look. I have 3 kids ages 7,17, and 15 yrs old. The kids are often witness to there dad being less then approving of me and of them as well. The oldest child I know wish his dad and I were no longer married. The middle child is high functioning autistic, so he can only look at things from his own stand point. He is not able to see what things are like for me and others. My littlest child, well that is the one I am most concerned about. She says things like "It's ok, daddy gets mad at me to" or "It'll be alright mom, I love you." My husband doesn't mean to be the bad guy. He is just very drill Sargent like. He also has a form of autism him self. He has aspurgers. So he may not be completely aware if his actions.

I went to the T today. My H and I were going to T together but now just I go. But I was telling the T about how needy my little girl is. She climbs all over you, sets on your lap, gets in between you and the TV. She seems to have no ability to play by her self. She always needs entertaining. I asked the T what is up with that. This kid drives me crazy. I love her to death but sheesh, I need some time alone.

I got an answer I didn't suspect from my T. She said it is likely that this child is reaching out. She is wanting approval. She gets lots of negative statements form her dad. Your to loud, your room is a mess, get your toys out of the living room, leave me alone, stop singing, stop wasting food. Seldom does he have anything positive to say to her. She is attention seeking as a way to cope. She is trying to show what she can do and to get approval. She wants to be recognized for something positive. So she tries one thing after another until she finds approval. Then once she does she is so approval depleted that she needs large amounts of approval. On top of that she sees enough disapproval going on in her household that she feels a need to make up for that as well.

I am telling you this because there may be others of you out there with the same issue. I asked the T what do I do now. She told me that my H and I both need to give this child a set time of uninterrupted attention. 20 min with my H and 20 min with me. No phone, no computer, no doing other stuff. Just her and what ever adult doing what she wants to. She also said when this child does paly by herself even if it is 15 min of coloring, or 10 min of working a puzzle, praise praise, praise. She is receiving positive interaction and encouragement that way and what she had to do to get it was entertain her self.

I know that this is likely of any interest to most of you. It is such a minor problem... help my kid want play by there self? But I am the kind of person who has to write something out and see it for it to make since. I know I am weird. It helps me enormously to have others at least validate me, just to know that I have been heard. I plan on telling this to my H. Now that I have my words organized. I am not sure he will listen. I am not sure he will believe me when I tell him that his actions affect the kids in ways he never imagined. I am not sure he is capable of hearing me on this matter. I need to tell someone though. I now know why this kid does this. I can potentially help her. And he can help her to if he will.

Thank you for listening.