OK, my story is full of complicated details that some how are related to each other, the whole started in 2011, I began to suffer from depression and my life just got darker and darker, I hated everything in my life, I didn't want to complete my studies, I hated food and I lost half of my weight, I was so sick, I didn't want to be around anybody I even lost my feelings for people even my family and my friends, I began to remember awfull things that happened to me when I was young such as sexual abuses that back then I didn't even understand it because I was too to young to know, day after day I was dying inside and I thought of suicide many times, but I didn't give up, I tried to get my self out of this by working and learning a new language but unfortunately I failed, I was fired from my job because when you have depression you feel you're weak and don't have energy to accomplish any task, and by losing my job things became worse and I went back to my dark room for crying and grief then my friend took me to a therapist but I didn't feel she really helped me, and then I saw another one and another one but it was the same result, nobody could help me, all they did is giving medications, nobody tried to get to the bottom of my problems, then one day I met a good friend that helped me a lot and we began to know each other more and more and we've been friends for 2 years, she is the best person I've ever known, but. here is the problem, I loved her not just as a friend it's more than that and this was the first time to know that I am not straight and that made my life worse, I really hate my self for being this and try to convince myself all the time that I am not lesbian and that I don't love her I just love our sweet friendship but I realise that I am really in love with her, I love everything about her, her smile , her voice, her talking with me just everything, I've never felt this way before, I've never loved someone and kept thinking of them in every single second of the day, I really need help cause I know I don't like men and the idea of being with a guy makes me go back with my memory to remember how I was sexually abused by a man, but at the same time I don't want to end up falling in love with girls and being a lesbian I just want to be normal and sure I don't disrespect anyone with any sexual orientation, I accept everybody but I just can't accept my self...