Just try to remember that everyone is going to have their own opinion, and nothing you do or say will change that. (I did like your idea of comparing the 'straight pride' thing to 'white pride' though! Very thought provoking.) The important thing is that you know what is right for you, and that you treat yourself well! I find that, as humans, we tend to be our own biggest critics.

When you hear those hurtful words, try not to let them tear you down. They are more a reflection of character flaws in the person speaking them than any "flaw" in you.

Your family members may be using the hurtful words simply out of force of habit, and not out of any conscious intent to hurt you. For example, I sometimes use the words 'gay' or 'retarted' when what I really mean is 'stupid'. Now that I realize that these words are hurtful to the gay and disabled communities respectively, I try not to use them. But when something is incorporated into your vocabulary from a young age, or when it's just part of the regional vernacular, it can be a tough habit to break.

Maybe just casually say to the family member, "When you use 'gay' to mean stupid, or call someone a 'fagg*t', that is hurtful to me. I don't think you're aware of how often you do it, or how hurtful it can be, so I wanted to bring this to your attention." And then leave it at that. Don't engage in a discussion about it, or feel the need to defend your beliefs. Just flat out tell them how it makes you feel, and let them do with it what they will. Hopefully (if they have any kind of compassion) they'll work to change their ways of speaking.

PS - Kudos on being a virgin. Don't let anyone stigmatize you, or pressure you to do something don't want to or aren't ready for. Sex (hetero or homo) should be a beautiful expression of love between two people who really care for each other. Hold out for the right person who will treat you right! I waited till I was 18, and in retrospect, I maybe should have waited even longer.