I cut myself last Monday. I told LCM that it was because I was triggered by past memories. I lied. I lied so bad. I cut myself because I love it. It turns me on. I love pain. I have no intentions ever to stop putting myself through physical pain. I lied because I was embarrassed and I need to tell her the truth. I've been lying for too long about myself and what I need.

She wants to help me find a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I need a Dom. I will never be happy in a vanilla relationship. I know I won't be.

A lot of you won't get it. This is an integral part of me. It will never go away. And yes I had a few shots. But I need to stop lying to myself and to her. You aren't just casually into what I'm into.