Quote:
Originally Posted by Middlemarcher
You still may not be ready to find a therapist, but I'd really urge you to do so before getting into BDSM in practice. My experience has been that it is possible to do it in a way that is psychologically healthy for you, but also very easy to do it in a way that may retraumatize you or reinforce feelings of self-loathing, self-destructive tendencies, etc. The latter is, in my experience, *not a good thing.* Really, really not. I'm glad I had a T who was willing to let me talk about these things, and explore my motivations, to make sure that what I was doing was satisfying for me but also healthy.
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Exactly. Which is why I've been hesitant to pursue a relationship. I've been talking to other people who are into this on other sites. Specifically much older subs who lost their virginity after being fully aware of their sexual urges towards submission and masochism. I was raising the question about being so sexually inexperienced and nervous yet all of my sexual fantasies involve at least some sort of bondage and verbal degradation. I was wondering if I should attempt to pursue a vanilla relationship first because of my inexperience and fear of intimacy. They all uniformly told me that once I do get into my first relationship, absolutely any sexual elements will probably be alluring and fun. However, my fantasies will come back after the initial novelty wears off which could be very quickly and I will be left wanting more. I don't think it's fair to me or anyone I'd get with to be dishonest about this. I don't want to knowingly go into a relationship that will ultimately fail because of sexual incompatibility or fall prey to a predator or find a very good and compassionate Dom who innocently traumatizes me.
I actually do feel ready to find a trauma T. I am going to start to look again. I am just holding off the search a little bit because i'm overwhelmed by the search to be honest.