Ramirorico, I am sorry that you feel you only have the 2 options you mention. If you feel that way you are very vulnerable and should put together a safety plan.
https://www.google.com/url?q=http://...9legYtSuUNJ0xA

But there are other options that people facing addiction choose: they get a therapist to help talk things through. They get a psychiatrist that can get a diagnosis and prescribe meds to help stabilize.

The biggest reason I have found for not attempting self harm is the stories I hear about those who try and survive. They know instantly it is a mistake. It is really not an option.

Your two options as I see them are to suffer in your condition or seek help. Anything else is trying to run away from responsibility. Life in the human body is our best chance to find a way out of the traps we are caught in. Throwing it away is not a response that makes any sense to me.