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Old 08-02-2015, 10:24 AM
solita1 solita1 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 38
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 38

3 yr Member
Default paranoia - psychosis?

Hi Im John, 28. After reading this forum I decided to sign up. I think my issue is more paranoia than anxiety but they are definitely related. I am normally a sociable person, have friends etc but since the age of about 19 ive had paranoia come and go. In the past few years it has got pretty bad. Basically it started with thinking my workmates were trying to get me sacked, stupid things like that, then thinking people didnt like me, it gradually snowbaled over the past 3 years to the stage where I am suspicious of everything. Not my family/gf. I dont think she is cheating or anything..but my issue is with strangers or when strange things happen. I think they are directly related to me and and think strangers are sending some kind of secret code.

Obviously I know this is ridiculious so I have some insight at least but I cant really stop it. Now when I go out I am always anxious waiting for something to happen then I cant stop thinking about it.

An example would be something like someone might be waving to someone in the distance and I will think they are waving to me even though I dont know the person. I think they are trying to send some kind of secret message that they are out to get me. I know this sounds ridiculous but writing it helps.

For the past 6 months or so Ive been noticing people changing direction on the street a lot, be it people or cars (going one way then suddenly going back the other way) when I approach and I have gotten it into my head that this is all some kind of secret message meant only for me. That there are 1000s of people involved in doing things like this as they know it will make me think about it over and over.

Last night for example I saw a man walk up the street while scratching his back. To me this was very suspicious. 10 mins later he walked back down the street scratching his back again. To me this was very 'suspicious' like the back scratching is some kind of secret signal meant only for me - some kind of threat. This is why going out in public makes me anxious.

To my gf and friends etc I am very sociable etc but if we are out and i see something it destroys my whole day and I'm basically acting to my friends as if I am having a good time.

Other examples are thinking my phone is tapped, people spying, following. I can be suspicious of anyone, people wearing sunglasses, people looking in my direction.

In the cold light of day I know this is all ridiculous. I have been doing meditation and I am very interested in spirituality and I think it is helping. I have been to the doctors twice but it was no use really. The meds actually made the paranoia/anxierty worse.

Basically Im writing just to see if anyone has any similar experiences. I know that I am not that important for some kind of secret society to be monitoring me or that Im in something like the truman show - but a lot of the time that is how it feels. I am still able to get on with my life it is just inside it kills me. Some days are better than others but I need this to stop and Im hoping to speak to some people here with similar experiences as I think thatll help greatly. As Ive said, I know all of this is ridiculous so having insight is a good sign - as Im typing this I realise how crazy all this sounds but 12 hours ago I was anxious and paranoid.

Sometimes I think people break into the house when I am out to move things around - with the aim of deliberately making me question things and trying to run me down mentally.

Anyone out there experienced any of this, even a tiny part of it?

Thanks for reading and I know I should see a doctor again but Id really just like to see if others have experienced any or many of these symptoms and coping strategies.

This is a great forum. Thanks again.
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