So many hugs to you BlueGreen. I can relate. There are a dozen things I could say that are equal or worse than what you did. And I agree, the shame I feel about how I acted makes me feel so terrible about myself that the cycle continues. So far, I've strung together 2 days w/o purging, in who knows how long. Every time I set a rule for myself, I wind up breaking it. But I feel like I have to create rules or things will be even worse, assuming that was possible.