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Old 10-05-2015, 06:12 AM
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waggiedog I HAVE LOST MY REASON FOR LIVING. 🌈🌈🌈🌈as usual.
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: Surrey, SE London, UK
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Default Re: What crazy things have you done for binge food?

Hello to you dear people. Oh YES YES YES, I sooooooooooooooo feel for you, I'm one of you, we are each one of us struggling to survive in this anxiety ridden world which even haunts us in our sleep. I'm ashamed at whats been happening of late, it's disgusting, like messing up my bed because of the laxative abuse, ugg. This is the result of more than 30 years of various ED's. Im diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, Atypical anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS, OCD, General anxiety and horrible depressions. I actually can't believe I started all this **** at around 19 years old and I'm now 56!!!! At present I'm what appears to be ''normal'' weight, maybe some would say the low end of ''normal'' weight, but to stay like this I have to do awful stuff to my body. My whole family are well built, short fat and apple shaped, I'm fighting family genes/DNA ~~ well that's how I feel anyways. I hate it when the bulimia binging kicks in because like you've said, money is a huge issue and YES, I wait freezing my **** off in the chilled isle in the supermarkets waiting for mark downs. I used to be addicted to sugary sweet gunk and carbs but now I seem to vere toward savory salted things. I try not to eat meat, purely as I love my animals, but even that goes out of the window often if all I can get or afford is meat. Because of my money issues I make absolutely sure I feed my large Waggie dog proper meat (not dog food) first, before myself.
I've taken to wearing kids ''sleepover'' padded nappies (dipers) as I'm terrified of having a lose of bowels whilst I'm out of the house. I have been very thin when I was anorexic and also I've been hospitalised around 5 times, some because of anorexia, others for suicide attempts. I can't, really CAN'T afford to be in hospital now because my dear Dad passed away a few months back and there's nobody to look after my big doggie. At present the landlord of this house I've lived in for 42 years are taking me to county court to get me out, I'll be on the street as I have no where to go BUT, I am under the emergency housing association, though they are trying to make me get rid of my doggie and then they will house me, but I've really stood my ground. I've even told them I'd rather die than let my dog go. All this is so very stressful and is making my eating, or non eating 100 times worse. I self harm, that's nothing new, I've started drinking again which I stopped for 5 years, I have slipped back into taking mild narcotics because they take my hunger away, god I'm a mess. I'm so very relieved I have you all to talk to, I could NEVER say any of this outside this site. LOVE and take care my friends. XXXXXXXXX
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