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Old 10-08-2015, 08:58 PM  
Grand Poohbah
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: US
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

So I just wanted to say that I joined SNAP club two days ago and the drastic change in my mood for the better is astounding!

Over the past 10 months, I've been hospitalized twice (my first times in the hospital) and my mental illness (whatever it is) has literally taken over my life. I took off work for as much time as I possibly could before being forced to return or lose it. I was out of energy, dragging myself to work everyday knowing deep down that this was just not sustainable. It hurt to breathe - it really did. Trying to get out of bed, trying to take a being in cement or quicksand. Wondering how in the world did I end up this way where every little thing I do feels too much? I said to myself it's like I'm barely going through the motions. On autopilot. Everyday is the same cruel, painful fate that I have to suffer through. Each minute I have to push past. It's heavy.

And then I tried to google my feelings again. Maybe someone would relate. Or something.... And I found this thread. SNAP club. Hmmmmm.....I'm desperate. I will try ANYTHING at this point. So why not? What have I got to lose? It took a little effort at first, it did I will be honest. The first snap I made was when I decided to go into the coffee shop and buy a hot chocolate. I snapped. And I felt a bit lighter. I smiled. It didn't feel like going through the motions but more like a choice that I was not negative about at least. And I've kept on snapping. For little things like staying in bed, getting up, putting my shoes on, lighting some candles, turning on the radio, changing the channel, cloudwatching even lol walking in the leaves, picking up leaves as I go, etc. etc. And how quickly this has worked is amazing and almost frightening. Will it continue to work? Man, I hope so I've even noticed myself changing my thoughts. I have never been able to get CBT to work for me mainly because my anxiety gets in the way I think. But this snap game seems to work for my thoughts too. I literally snap them away if need be and the relief is immediate.

Only now I'm starting to get a little scared. I have been diagnosed with bipolar in the past (this diagnosis crap is ever changing for me) but if I do have bipolar could the snapping thing trigger me into mania? Is that even possible? I know that antidepressants can trigger mania.....ok, I hope I don't sound completely out there lol

But I can't really find much beyond this forum about the snapping thing and my depressive mind is trying desperately to prove it wrong while I'm in turn fighting the depression because I need hope. Please reassure me that this works long term and won't trigger mania, or if it does, that there's some other trick I can use at that point.

Thank you thank you thank you!
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