Thread: anorexia/OCPD
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ajpumpkin
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Member Since: Jan 2016
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2
8 yr Member
Default Jan 17, 2016 at 10:15 PM
 
I have anorexia, but its kind of different than anyone I've met over the years in the various treatment centers Ive been too. No treatment has really worked for me, and I've continued to struggle (now more than ever). I feel weird and like my body is defective.
I'm very strict and rigid about food and I have an amount of calories I'm "allowed" but that amount is way more than most anorexics. Also I exercise (also very rigid) but not excessive. I have rules about cleaning and meet the criteria of obsessive compulsive personality disorder to a T. But the thing is even though I eat a "normal" amount of "normal" food and don't excessively exercise, I'm starved. I'm about many pounds underweight, starving all the time, depressed, and miserable. I feel like all my body wants is enormous amounts of food and sleep. Which makes sense because I have been starving and exhausting it for a long time.
But since I'm already eating a lot calories when I'm "restricting" and losing weight it scares me to think how much my body would eat if I allowed myself to eat "enough". I would feel out of control and lazy and glutinous. I feel stuck but I'm miserable. This is ruining my life and literally killing me physically and mentally.
Has anybody dealt with anything like this?

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Jan 18, 2016 at 04:48 PM.. Reason: administrative edit....no numbers, calories, etc. allowed....
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