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Old 01-27-2016, 08:03 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere on the east coast of the US
Posts: 69
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere on the east coast of the US
Posts: 69

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Default Going back to work after baby

Hi - I've posted a lot in the bipolar forum, I think this is the first time in the depression forum. I was diagnosed with depression about 15 years ago and have been seeking treatment through therapy and meds since then. I went off my meds when I was pregnant and that was rough, but the PPD was even worse. I've had some horrible bouts of depression over the years, but I've never felt so down as I did with the PPD. I don't know what's my regular depression and what's the PPD, but I think I'm out of the worst of it. But now, after spending an amazing 5 months at home with my baby boy (even through the depression and feelings of being overwhelmed, I never felt any negative feelings toward him, he has been the most amazing thing in the world to me since Day 1), I have to go back to work full time on Monday (been working from home for the past couple months). I've been so lucky to get 5 months at home with the little guy, and I thought I'd handle the transition relatively okay, but this week has been TERRIBLE. I'm back to the constant crying. Definitely not that PPD feeling, but my heart really hurts and because I suffer from depression and a mood disorder, I'm just not dealing with this very well at all. I don't really have a question to ask, just hoping there's someone out there who can relate, and I guess just tell me everything's going to be okay. Dropping my kid off at day care is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know a lot of moms feel that way, but throw deep depression into the mix and I just can't control my sadness. I know I'll survive this, I know I'll be fine, I know the baby will be fine, I know so many people have done this before and survived to tell the tale, I know how blessed I am to have a beautiful healthy happy baby, I really have an amazing life. I wish I could just physically ball up this depression and throw it away. It's not me, it's an invader, and it makes it so much harder to cope with these kinds of experiences. Anyway, thanks for reading. Depression sucks.
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