I understand that feeling. My Mom died of cancer 11 years ago. I have had problems with the fall time of year because that was when I started to realize that my mom's cancer wasn't getting better & then the trauma with the home care person hit. Fall weather triggers the PTSD that I struggles with after it was over. Though the years have helped a lot, not feeling like eating has always been a part of what comes with this time of year all related to her death from the cancer....I understand what you are feeling