At any point, at any time, in a relationship, there is an opportunity to turn towards or turn away from your partner. Every time you use porn and webcams you are turning away from your partner for someone or something else. Turn away enough and the relationship fails.
Your partner can't have sex all the time for any number of reasons, so she is left to compete with porn which is always available and willing. Is there a way for you to attain intimacy and sexual release and turn towards your partner?
Would she:
- watch porn with you?
- masturbate you while wearing something sexy?
- read an erotic book together?
- give you oral sex to give you some release?
- would you masturbate in front of her, or with her laying beside you?
- could you masturbate with something of hers, or something that reminds you of her or a time when you were together that was awesome, something like a piece of lingerie or her undies?
Intimacy requires vulnerability. Porn is a disruption in this, because there is no balance of power. Only one person is vulnerable. In the above examples, you are each vulnerable, or you are at least turning your mind towards her.
Here is the next question... What are you doing to make her feel like the gift of her sex is valued? She's giving you of her body. What are you doing in return to make her feel valued?
Most of us men are more attuned to maintenance schedules outside of relationships. Change your oil every 3000 miles, tranny fluid every year, cut the lawn every Saturday. Most of us don't invest maintenance into our marriages.
Plan a fun night, a date night, a cuddle night, a sex night, and a girl movie night with blanket, wine and candles. Plan on doing 1-2 nights a week. Do this for a month, and work your way through the rotation, then repeat.
If there is a lot of something, it usually isn't worth much. Sex is cheap. Porn is cheaper. Intimacy isn't cheap, and you are trying to treat a lack of intimacy with more and more cheap porn. It won't fill the void.
You've got a good woman, one that wants to have a sexual life with you. You're lucky! I wish I had your problems! You're going to lose her, and then be stuck looking at cam girls wishing you had a real woman.
Try ALL of the things above for 2 months, be open, be vulnerable, give it an honest try, turn towards your wife, and the porn use will drop off on its own. It happened for you before, because you were growing in intimacy with your wife during that time. Here's the good news... There's no upper limit to intimacy, or the depths you can know your partner, so INTIMACY will never get boring.
When intimacy is good, sex is outstanding, and readily available. Intimate married couples average 200+ nights of sex a year! But it takes work.
QUIT thinking about stopping porn. START thinking about ways to be intimate with your wife, and just redirect those thoughts back to your marriage.
RDM