I am, I guess, a pretty good faker, but grow tired of plastering a smile on my face.
A good example is all the women in my office get all excited over new babies in their families. Well, I'm kinda like.. Oh how wonderful for you. But I cannot relate to how they feel. I don't get that way over my own grandchildren.
I would never begrudge someone anything that makes them happy. I just don't seem to be able to feel happy for them.
I'm smiling along with people, but in my mind, I'm thinking I don't really care, now go away and leave me alone.
I can only tolerate people in small doses and I don't even like to have people in my home. I can't relax, no matter how well I know them.
Socializing is best done away from my home when I can leave after I feel I've spent the appropriate amount of time.
I can't say that I dislike people. I just have a low tolerance for the drama that is their every day lives.
It's troubling because from time to time I do wish I had a friend or confident. But I usually end up feeling as if people are crowding me and then I avoid them.
I clearly cannot have it both ways.
Am I alone in how I feel?