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Old 12-31-2016, 12:23 PM
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Default Re: Good at faking it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabby23 View Post
I am, I guess, a pretty good faker, but grow tired of plastering a smile on my face.

A good example is all the women in my office get all excited over new babies in their families. Well, I'm kinda like.. Oh how wonderful for you. But I cannot relate to how they feel. I don't get that way over my own grandchildren.

I would never begrudge someone anything that makes them happy. I just don't seem to be able to feel happy for them.

I'm smiling along with people, but in my mind, I'm thinking I don't really care, now go away and leave me alone.

I can only tolerate people in small doses and I don't even like to have people in my home. I can't relax, no matter how well I know them.

Socializing is best done away from my home when I can leave after I feel I've spent the appropriate amount of time.

I can't say that I dislike people. I just have a low tolerance for the drama that is their every day lives.

It's troubling because from time to time I do wish I had a friend or confident. But I usually end up feeling as if people are crowding me and then I avoid them.

I clearly cannot have it both ways.

Am I alone in how I feel?


No. you are not alone. It gives me comfort to read your post to know that I'm not alone either.

My oldest recently got married and have a baby on the way. When they shared the news of it with me, I tried very hard to appear "excited" as everybody else was. Yes. I was and am happy and my heart is so happy for them. I just don't know how to express that in the way that it seems most people do. I feel like that part of me has been shut down or hidden from the outside world.

I also have a hard time around other people and the drama they make of life. But, as I've had healing in many places of my broken past, it's become a bit easier for me to tolerate. It is still very draining to me and I can only tolerate it in small doses.

Visiting someone in their "space" is much more comfortable because I have the ability to be able to leave when my tolerance level has run out.

I'm hopeful that as I keep working through my broken places, I will be able to feel and share more emotions, instead of just pretending they are there.

((( hugs ))) to you, if that's ok.

You are not by yourself.
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