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Old 12-31-2016, 12:23 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Mississippi
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Default Re: Good at faking it

Originally Posted by Tabby23 View Post
I am, I guess, a pretty good faker, but grow tired of plastering a smile on my face.

A good example is all the women in my office get all excited over new babies in their families. Well, I'm kinda like.. Oh how wonderful for you. But I cannot relate to how they feel. I don't get that way over my own grandchildren.

I would never begrudge someone anything that makes them happy. I just don't seem to be able to feel happy for them.

I'm smiling along with people, but in my mind, I'm thinking I don't really care, now go away and leave me alone.

I can only tolerate people in small doses and I don't even like to have people in my home. I can't relax, no matter how well I know them.

Socializing is best done away from my home when I can leave after I feel I've spent the appropriate amount of time.

I can't say that I dislike people. I just have a low tolerance for the drama that is their every day lives.

It's troubling because from time to time I do wish I had a friend or confident. But I usually end up feeling as if people are crowding me and then I avoid them.

I clearly cannot have it both ways.

Am I alone in how I feel?

No. you are not alone. It gives me comfort to read your post to know that I'm not alone either.

My oldest recently got married and have a baby on the way. When they shared the news of it with me, I tried very hard to appear "excited" as everybody else was. Yes. I was and am happy and my heart is so happy for them. I just don't know how to express that in the way that it seems most people do. I feel like that part of me has been shut down or hidden from the outside world.

I also have a hard time around other people and the drama they make of life. But, as I've had healing in many places of my broken past, it's become a bit easier for me to tolerate. It is still very draining to me and I can only tolerate it in small doses.

Visiting someone in their "space" is much more comfortable because I have the ability to be able to leave when my tolerance level has run out.

I'm hopeful that as I keep working through my broken places, I will be able to feel and share more emotions, instead of just pretending they are there.

((( hugs ))) to you, if that's ok.

You are not by yourself.
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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